Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
