Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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