Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
BRING THE BAGELS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
