I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
