im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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