So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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