Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im part way to drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
