nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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