Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Swine flu. Run for my life!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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