he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
