im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize