I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
