I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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