I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
