well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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