dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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