I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
