Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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