You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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