Nicole vs. Life
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
