dude i'm inner monologue high
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
where are my eyebrows?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
