remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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