i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
