dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
