Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this is an emotional support booty call
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
