if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
