he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
