Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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