His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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