Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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