My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
