Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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