I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
