Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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