super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
