Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
