Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
