dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
