Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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