Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
