The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
