So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
