could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
