You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
