i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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