Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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