I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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