I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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