you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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