O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My cat gives me a boner
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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