3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
