Whod you bang
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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