I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
