dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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