Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
