so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
