You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
