you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
