I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
