Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
