Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
