i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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