Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
