i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
