im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
