Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
