I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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