You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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