How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
