ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
