Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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