Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
