I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
